Now that I've almost finished tweeting the Old Testament (now with 68% more humor!), it's time to share some of the shortcuts I've learned. So here is every prophetic book in seven words or less. I'm just sure that this will revolutionize theological education.
How would we sum up the other books of the Bible in seven words or less? And . . . GO!
Isaiah: Exile is coming, people. Buh. Bye.
Jeremiah: G divorces Israel but is clinically depressed. ☹
Ezekiel: Too freaky to describe in seven words.
Daniel: When facing lions, always dream of apocalypse.
Hosea: G: “Go marry a prostitute. Good luck!”
Joel: Locusts aren’t the end of the world.
Amos: Rich people got no reason to live.
Obadiah: Damn those damned Edomites. Dammit!
Jonah: Go preach the gospel now, you slacker.
Micah: Stop screwing the poor. Immediately.
Nahum: You’re going down, Ninevah, and we’re stoked.
Habakkuk: G takes calls from disgruntled customer.
Zephaniah: God’s coming and is he ever pissed.
Haggai: Build the temple! Build the temple now!
Zechariah: What Haggai said, but with trippier visions.
Malachi: God, we’re hauling your ass to court.
The image of a cheater's hand was provided by Shutterstock.com. The hand was provided by God.