Her name is Melissa -- Melissa Christ. They met at a Young Hebrews mixer in Bethlehem. At the New Yorker, Paul Rudnick has the scoop. (Spoiler alert: Rudnick is a humorist):
Then Jesus came over and introduced himself and we chitchatted about everything, from keeping the Sabbath to how we both felt really sorry for the lame. Then I asked Jesus about his family, and he said, “My father is a carpenter,” and I could feel myself getting all flushed as I immediately thought, Hello, new coffee table.
After that, Jesus and I started seeing each other, although Jesus’ being unemployed did start to bother me, and finally one night I asked him, “So what are your plans?” And he replied, “Well, I’m thinking about inventing Gentiles.” “Gentiles?” I asked. “What are those?” “You know,” Jesus answered. “Jews who drink.”
Whenever Jesus would start telling me about this whole new-religion business, I would get nervous and ask, “But why isn’t the Torah enough?” And then Jesus would look deep into my eyes and smile and murmur, “First draft.” Which would make me even more nervous, until one afternoon Jesus sat me down on a rough-hewn bench and said, “All I’m talking about is everyone loving and respecting each other, and sharing the Lord’s bounty and bringing peace to the world.” And, while I was definitely intrigued, a tiny voice inside my head kept repeating, “Don’t lend him money.”
Read the rest here.
Photo credit: Istvan Banyai's cartoon accompanying Rudnick's essay